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What Happens When We Ask WHY?

Updated: Jan 3, 2019

WHY is probably one of the first questions that comes to us when something bad happens. We try to make sense of it, look for connections, seek answers. Do you find yourself wondering WHY something happens when it is a positive experience? It isn’t common that we ask WHY during good times.


It is in our nature to seek out the resolution to a problem. As the old saying goes, it is likely we marry or partner with people that are similar to our parent, the person that might have contributed to our early life struggle, or somehow keeps the conflict alive. This is your natural drive, or unconscious push, to work out the puzzle until you have the answer.


The tough part is that you will likely never get to the WHY of someone else’s experience or the motivation for WHY they acted , behaved, or did something they did. You can, however, often get to your own WHY. This is really the answer you seek. Knowing your own WHY can change how you respond, engage, and even view the world. Don’t be afraid to be curious.


Can you identify the WHY questions that most often come up for you? The WHY questions that you would ask the perpetrator to perpetrators of your pain-


For example, If you loved me, WHY did you leave me?


Can you identify the WHY questions when you examine the impact on your own self? The WHY questions that have you exploring your own behaviors or feelings-


For example, WHY do I get so angry? Or, a goodie, WHY am I a loser or not good enough?


Can you identify the WHY questions that come up, in your present life, about your current loved ones? The WHY questions that have you wondering WHY your partner or kids do the things they do-


For example, WHY won’t he take out the trash, or get up with the baby, or spend more time with me?


I know exploring painful content, staying in this curious state, is tough but it is important to get clear about what you are battling. The remedy is much more effective if we have a clear vision of what, and WHY, we are in battle.


Stay curious. Please, ask yourself WHY. Please consider writing it all down. This will be really helpful material for when we get together or when you begin the workbook/workshop.


Don’t be afraid to ask WHY. The answers are key. The info may sting a little but it is the remedy.




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Stephanie@TraumaMama.net   |   (310) 567-0160

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